Celluloid Confetti

When I was growing up, my eager young mind was fertilised by two sets of books - Goscinny and Uderzo’s Asterix, and Herge’s Adventures of Tintin. My father had a habit of scouring local libraries for books that were withdrawn for being dogeared, chewed, crayoned or drooled upon, and I soon greedily amassed an near-complete collection of both sets.

The Asterix books taught me Roman numerals, pig latin, and the fact that puns are the highest form of humour. Tintin gave me the desire to travel the world - preferably tied up in the hold of a smugglers’ vessel - and to shun the company of women.

The Asterix books have already been turned into a handful of animations and a couple of big budget live-action features, but Tintin has received much less exposure - despite his reputation as Belgian’s most famous export (alongside Poirot, chocolate and child murderers).

That could all be about to change, as Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson have announced they will be directing two films of a planned Tintin trilogy.

But while the Asterix movies required Gérard Depardieu to don a (somewhat sinister) fat-suit as man-mountain Obelix, the distinctive look of Herge’s drawings will be brought to life via the magic of motion-captured computer animation.

Peter Jackson said the characters would look “photorealistic”, from the fibres of their clothing to the pores of their skin: “They look exactly like real people — but real Herge people!”, he promised.

Given Jackson’s track record with Gollum in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I can’t wait to see the result (so long as the hirsute meanderer keeps the running time below the two-hour mark, that is…).

The planned Tintin films will follow Sin City (2005) and 300 (2006) in their use of computer graphics to bring two-dimensional comic strips to the big screen. And, arguably, no real-world set could reproduce the unique detail and style of Herge’s drawings.

The use of motion-capture will probably divide the animation-buffs, many of whom regard the technique as cheating, but it’s been used since the days of Disney’s Sleeping Beauty (1959) to good effect.

For example, the ring-wraiths in Ralph Bakshi’s much-maligned Lord of the Rings (1978) were approximately one million times scarier than Jackson’s live-action equivalents.

More recently, Robert Zemeckis used the technique to good effect in Polar Express and Monster House (I can’t wait for his forthcoming Beowulf, also entirely motion-captured, with Angelina Jolie as Grendel’s mother and Crispin Glover as the ‘armless creature itself). Even director Ang Lee donned the blue tights to perform key scenes of Hulk (2003).

So in the new Tintin trilogy, who will provide the movements and voice for the investigative reporter himself, and his irascible sidekick, Captain Haddock? Don’t forget - through the magic of computers, age sex or skin colour are not an issue.

For Tintin, I reckon Bonnie Langford can do the body, James Macavoy the voice.

You don’t agree? Well, who would you suggest?